My First Blog

So this is my first blog.  I'm a middle aged woman who was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder about 6 years ago.  The past year my doctor and I were starting to wonder and look at the possibility that I might have Bipolar II (bipolar depression).  Before we could make that determination I lost my job and my insurance.

I have been without any medications for the past 4 months and some days I barely manage.  Last week I desperately wanted to run away.  I made it as far as McDonald's where I sat and read for a couple of hours.  My husband wasn't home when I left, so I came back to make sure someone would be home when our 8 yr old got out of school.

I am not suicidal, thank goodness, but often wish to just "not be" or to disappear.

I don't drink or do any kind of drugs, but use books as my escapist behavior.  I bought a nook 4 months ago and have 130 books on it already (10 or so are histories/cookbooks) all of which I have read.  Books of choice are light readings (although I do enjoy the serious books, they aren't always good for a depressed person).  Mysteries top my list, add a supernatural element and I'm sold.

Other hobbies include sewing/costuming, and cooking, especially medieval recipes. 

I'm hoping that if I can express a lot of my feelings here, it will help me get off the couch, so to speak.